Happy Thoughts II

28. making up after a big fight;
29. receiving flowers from you;
30. wiping your tears;
31. you wiping my tears;
32. eating your perfectly cooked rice!
33. buy bonsai plants;
34. noche buena together - d best ! ham, lychees and peaches, fettucini, red wine... ahhh!
35. scratching my back;
36. scratching your back;
37. lunch together! -yummy!
38. breakfast together!
39. BUM on weekends;
40. Quiapo! Quiapo! Quiapo!
41. watch Metro Manila fim festival parade on top of the center island of Quiapo! JOLOGS!
42. JAPAKES and JAPAN SURPLUS- wallets, dvds, aircon,ETC.
43. a little washing machine as christmas gift=)
44. clothes shopping together!
45. choosing a tie for you=)

to our world

i close my eyes and have become
a part of the world where only you mattered
i seek the light and in your eyes
i have seen the glow
of a love that's so true which had taken me whole
as i walk beyond the horizon
and reach for the dreams of my soul
i take thee in my hands
to walk with me and leave footprints
in the sands of time
as i open my eyes and see the world with you
do you take me to walk the path
of the longings of my soul
where tears are only meant to
shed the joy that i would feel inside....

Apathy

When will we start to care?

It has become my daily habit to catch the late night news. Being so busy with work and my personal life, this is my only way of connecting with the outside world.

The past days have been very sad. Headlines contain nothing but the on going political turmoil and worsening economic crisis. When this turmoil started, I had my eyes glued on TV. I would attentively listen to the events that have happened, hoping that in the end, I will see some light. But to my dismay, no light has been seen, and I am afraid, there will never be...

When will we start to care?

I have lost my faith, as I no longer know whom to believe. Accusations, privilege speeches, expose’s – all these and more have stories to tell, more often than not, the goal is to disprove the other.

For the sake of the general public, everyone clamors for a change in government. For the sake of the nation, everyone cries out for a revolution. Do we really care?

I have lost my faith…

… to those who once stood up for the liberty of the people – they have become a prisoner of their own interests, lured by the glitter of power and wealth;

… to those who had promised to serve the people – they have become slaves of their own ambitions , their values now overshadowed by greed and selfishness;

… to those whose principles have once saved our motherland, they have become redeemers of their own welfares, whose cause are deeply rooted in one’s fame, power, and glory.


When will we start to care? My heart bleeds for my country. I remember my national anthem.

“Bayang Magiliw, perlas ng silanganan; Alab ng puso sa dibdib mo’y buhay”

Land of the morning, Child of the sun returning; With fervor burning, Thee do our souls adore -- – The land of the morning has lost its glory to its own people…the once burning hearts have succumbed to the darkness of our own apathy.

“Lupang Hinirang, Duyan Ka Ng Magiting, Sa Manlulupig Di Ka Pasisiil”

Land dear and holy, Cradle of noble heroes – We have scorned this once revered cradle of heroes and redeemers. Where have all they gone? Have we lost them to our own indifference?;

Ne'er shall invaders, Trample thy sacred shore. –We have once fought for our liberty from foreign oppressors, only to become prisoners of our fellow countrymen who have become deaf and blind to the true meaning of patriotism;

Sa dagat at bundok, Sa simoy at sa langit mong bughaw, May dilag ang tula At awit sa paglayang minamahal.

Ever within thy skies and through thy clouds And o'er thy hills and sea, Do we behold the radiance, feel and throb, Of glorious liberty. –The once pure magnificence of my homeland and the glorious promise of independence , we have surrendered them to our own ambitions, sulking into the dark perils of vested interests;

“Ang kislap ng watawat mo'y Tagumpay na nagniningning, Ang bituin at araw niya Kailan pa ma'y di magdidilim.”

Thy banner, dear to all our hearts, Its sun and stars alight, O never shall its shining field Be dimmed by tyrant's might! – What has happened to to these once illuminated promise land? Have we lost our passion to guard our homeland against these tyrants? Have we become our own enemies?

Lupa ng araw, ng luwalhati't pagsinta, Buhay ay langit sa piling mo; Aming ligaya, na pag may mang-aapi Ang mamatay nang dahil sa iyo

Beautiful land of love, O land of light; In thine embrace 'tis rapture to lie, But it is glory ever, when thou art wronged, For us, thy sons to suffer and die. -Do we still care? We have wronged our country, but do we still care? We once promised to die for the sake of our land, but do we still care?



Tomorrow night, I will watch a movie. And I know before the show shall start, I will once again stand to sing my national hymn. But I know, tomorrow, it will be different. My hand over my heart you will no longer see, as it will wipe my eyes, as teardrops shall fall for my homeland.

Do we still care? As I belt out the final note, I would be silenced, as I cry in deeper pain, for these two young people in front of me would not even care to stand and give reverence to my native land.

I have lost my faith. But I still care. I just did.

When Hearts Speak

The greatest mystery of the heart
is the language that it speaks...
in the absence of words,
it can reveal the deepest longings of the soul...
a stare, a touch, a kiss--
a single act illustrates the tie that binds
two hearts, two souls
chained as one.

The Joys Of Pains

Thank you o Lord for the little hurts we encounter everyday..
For the pain in our hearts, and the tears in our eyes--
They magnify the joy inside us, and the laughter becomes sweeter.

Thank you Lord for our enemies.
Through them I see, the value of real friends.

Thank you Lord for their painful words...
As they pierce through our hearts, they make
loving words sweeter as they heal the wounds of wrath.

Thank you Lord for the temporary anger I feel towards them...
As i discover the insignificance of harboring such feelings,
I learn to forgive.

Thank you Lord for their betrayals..
As they turn their backs , I become steadfast
to those whose hearts remain faithful to me.

Thank you Lord for them ...
As I see the animosity that dwells in them,
I discover the beautiful heart I have in me.


"Think of difficult people as sandpaper. They may rub you and scratch you but eventually

you end up smooth and the sandpaper worn out"

Cry No More

"To see a loved one hurting is greater than to bear the pain oneself".

Today, I sense some sadness in your voice. As i listen to every word you say, i feel some hurts in you. As we continue to talk, i cry inside, as i knew then, that a part of you is bleeding...

I opened my mails, and continued to work. The first one I made, was of course, for you. I received a message from a friend, "carpe diem", which was a bit timely. I forwarded it to you with a sweet reminder, "not to entertain negative thoughts". Email after email, i sent you everything that i feel would somehow alleviate the sadness. Minutes passed. Hours passed. and yet, none of my email has been read.

I wasn't wrong. I knew then that you were hurting. I called. I am bothered to see you in pain. I cry as you weep. In your sorrow, i bleed on my own.

And i asked, "baby, are you ok? I feel some sadness somewhere".. "no of course, i am fine... why?"... " i know you are not ok. " " well, let us just say that let us just continue to work... but i assure you, it's not about us..." " i know there's nothing wrong between us"... "can you actually tell it to yourself that there's nothing wrong between us?.." "of course! o naman!".. "good! dont worry, i am ok.."

And it strucked me! While i am glad that there's nothing wrong between us, i feel sad that amidst the joy of having each other, there are things that I cannot do to make you smile completely. I live for your happiness. With all the strenght that I have, I'll give my all, just to bring joy to your life.

I take good care of you. I hold you dear in my heart, like a porcelain in my hand, as fragile as you can be , i hold you gently --my grip, not too tight so as not to break you, not too loose so that you won't fall..

I remember there are times when we have our little discussions, only two words from you, "tama na"... then, i will stop. These words are like yellow warning lights, that somehow, the discussion has gone overboard, that somehow, some words are beginning to hurt.. and i will stop. Despite the many points that I have yet to emphasize, I will raise my white flag, because I dont want to hurt you. Once again, I will lose my pride, but who cares, I lost my pride, but I have you. I grieved over these little discussions knowing that my words have hurt you, and now, I am seeing you deeply wounded by others who dont even matter..

I take you in my arms to shield you from pain. I embrace you with all the love i can offer to withstand the grief that this world can bring. I give you my life to breathe to your own -- so in times that you have to catch your breath, I am there to give a kiss of life to you..

And now that you are in pain, and as I see uncried tears in your eyes, I cannot help but weep and moan in deeper pain. As it hurts me, knowing that others have caused you sorrow, I hurt even more, knowing, that i cannot take these sadness away from you... As it kills me, knowing that their words have hurt you, I die another death, knowing, that my words were not enougth to unhurt you...

Cry no more. Some things are not worth your sorrow.

Bliss

"It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reasons can be found..."

Hold my hand and I’ll embrace thy soul

I'll cast away all pains and no tear shall fall

Thy precious love, i'll hold dear in my heart

There in our world, we shall never part...

Look at me and in my eyes you will see

The one promise, that i'll make only for thee--

To love, to cherish, to give my all..

Thy happiness , the only thing i shall live for...

08122005

"Love is passion. Obsession. Someone you can't live without. Someone you fall head over heels for. Find someone you can love like crazy, and will love you the same way back. Listen to your heart. No sense in life without this. To make the journey without falling deeply in love, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try, because if you haven't tried, then you haven't lived."


I've been having the best times of my life lately.

Friday of the other week, my babysweet visited me. It's the first time ever since we've been together, that he actually took time to visit me. And, it was wonderful!

A week before he came over, i already had plans how to make his stay unforgettable. I really had a hard time finalizing the details because there are so much things to do, so many places to see, and so many memories to build.

Just as expected, everything was great! From the time I fetched him from the airport, until the time i sent him off, all was in total bliss! I really love having him in my life!

The first stop was in a nature park. There in the middle of nowhere, we spent the entire afternoon just being with each others' arms. We've been apart for 3 weeks, that's why I never let go of him. God! How i missed him!

In the morning, we had an early breakfast. We enjoyed the morning breeze, walking down the slopes, holding each others' hands. Since i have asthma, i had a hard time catching up my breathe. And as if walking up the hill is not already a feat, he carried me at his back, and held me gently. We always love doing it. He usually carries me at his back if there are stairs to climb or hills to conquer. We always get strange stares from people around us, but what the heck! who cares, we are enjoying ourselves.

As I watch him eat his breakfast, I still could not help but be mesmerized by his eyes – the one part of him that I love most. But more than that, I am enthralled by the many things I see beyond those lovely pair of eyes, which have become my window to his soul. I had fun watching him enjoyed the fresh slices of tomato like as if it was his first time to have a taste of it. I loved how his other hand held me; despite him having a hard time eating with only one hand.

After eating we took some time trying the “Indiana Jones” ride. It was great. But since im not really the sporty type, I easily got tired, so we decided to check other interesting stuffs to do. We went fishing. It was my first time to do it! And I love it… Although the live worms were really oh so yucky, I was able to look at them , and even at one point, touched them. And why not? He was so comfortable holding them, so I thought it’s not so bad after all.

He taught me how to fish properly – how to throw the bait in the water, that I need to be so quite so the fishes wont go away, and that I need to put down the fishing rod and just wait in total silence. And as if beginner’s luck stroke on me, I got the first catch=) Just like little kids, we got thrilled by it. The next thing we knew, we got 4 kilos of fresh catch! These had become our sumptuous lunch!

But more than these, I love each and every second we were together waiting for those fishes. In between our catches, we take time to kiss each other and whisper I love you! A squeeze of his hand, a kiss on his forehead, a quick hug – anything that I could do just to make him feel all the love I have for him. Oh, those moments were priceless!

After this, we went back to the city. I had a little surprise prepared for him. I had this planned a long time ago, but it was only then that we found the time to do it.

I brought him to a recording studio! Oh, did I mention before that he got a great voice? My god! He sings like a pro!

As expected, again he amazed me! I cannot take my eyes off him while he carries out each song perfectly. His voice melts my soul – just like the air that I breathe, it seeps into the core of my heart, leaving me stunned, making me fall further in love! He is simply amazing!

And because he has such a giving heart, he also surprised me. He made me sing! It’s crazy cos I cant carry a tune, but nevertheless, I did sing. And as aptly as it could, I sang “love moves in mysterious ways!”. My voice shivered and I was really nervous, but I managed to carry it through. And why not? He was holding me while I sang, and when I was afraid to belt out, he squeezes my hand, as if telling me that “baby, you’re doing great.. just continue to sing… you’re doing great..” My oh my, he really is wonderful!


And because I am so proud of him, and because I want to tell the world that he is the best thing that happened to me – we spent the rest of the night meeting my closest friends.

And not to my surprise, he won the hearts of my friends. And why not? He is easy to love. He talked to them as if he had known them forever. He laughed at our silliest jokes, gave his thoughts to whatever we talked about, and answered sincerely each and every question my friends threw at him.

We slept that night with so much gladness in our hearts, knowing that we have each other.

We spent the entire morning of the next day hugging each other. We cuddled, kissed, played hide and seek, tickled each other, -- simply enjoying each moment together. There in our oh so natural selves – make up free and perfume free, I held him tightly!

At lunchtime, we went off coast. We took some boat ride, and that 15-minute , I wanted it to last forever! The gentle wind that touched our faces caressed our soul and took all the worries in our hearts. I felt so secured being locked in his arms. I closed my eyes and thank God for giving me this beautiful person that I am bound to be with for the rest of my life.

We had lunch on top of a hill, looking over the sea in its utmost tranquility. We enjoyed the food, yes, but the most unforgettable was the tête-à-tête we had. We talked for hours and hours – opening our hearts to each other, sharing our dreams, shaping the future, ensuring that each other is still happy and will always will, and believing that we both will come through! That moment, I knew then, that I have started to live my life…

We went down the shore for a walk. We enjoyed the feel of the powder-like sand in our bare feet. With the sea within our arms reach, and wrapped in each others’ arms, we slept under a tree. In my sleep, I can feel his heart beat. I can feel the serenity that dwells in our hearts. Ahh, this is a piece of heaven on earth!

As I alighted from the boat, I took a second look at the island we just went to. I knew then, that it has become a part of our lives – where the greatest of all dreams have been built.

In the evening we went to a party. But nonetheless, despite the fun, I wanted us to get home immediately. Right after everyone said goodnight, we went home. This will be the last night we will be together before he goes back to his place.

I can't sleep during that night. Although I was so tired, I chose to stare at him while he sleeps. I gazed at the face of the man that I have waited in this life. I looked at him, asking God what is it that I have done to deserve this wonderful being in front of me? I stared at him with some tears in my eyes, knowing that tomorrow would be another lifetime to come through because he will no longer be there.

And as I sent him off to the airport, I felt torn from my roots. The sight of him leaving is like daggers in my heart. The excruciating pain leaves me in deep sadness.

But it wont be long. I know, soon, there will be no more goodbyes. I am counting the days when we will be together.

And when that time comes, it will be another great story to tell.

And amidst the distance, I keep going knowing that I don’t just have someone to love, but loving “ the someone” that I love to love. I love him, not only with my heart, but with all of me; not only till the end of my life, but till life after.

I loved him from the moment I saw him, and every moment since. I can only thank God for him…

“ When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. “

Happy Thoughts

The things I love to do with my one great love:)

1. Holding hands.
2. Hugging each other while driving.
3. Feeding each other.
4. Getting a phone call in the middle of the night and talk for hours.
5. Getting a phone call in the middle of the night and talk nothing; only hearing your deep breathing.
6. net meeting.
7. Rubbing each others' back.
8. Cutting your nails.
9. Waking you up with kisses.
10. Waking me up with your kisses.
11. Hearing you say, "You Look Good!".
12. Telling you, " You're adorable"!
13. Hide and Seek.
14. Bubble Bath.
15. Sleeping on your tummy.
16. Caressing your hair while you rest your head on my chest.
17. Kissing your forehead.
18. Kissing.
19. Saying I love you.
20. Hearing you say, "I need you".
21. A sweet text after a few seconds of being apart.
22. Eating Chocolates.
23. Cooking together.
24. Fishing.
25. Saying, "I miss you!"
26. A tight hug after a discussion.
27. Saying and assuring each other, " I am here for you"...

... I still have a lifetime to fill this list... Ahh! Life is beautiful!